Coping with miscarriage

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mrskc
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Coping with miscarriage

#1 Post by mrskc » Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:40 pm

I am currently going through a miscarriage after our first round of NHS funded ICSI. Our history is that we have been TTC for 5 years. 5 failed IUI's. First attempt at IVF and we got a BFP which has now sadly resulted in our MMC. We were advised at our 7.5 week scan no heartbeart, called back a week later for further scan which confirmed our worse fears. This was on Mothers Day. I stopped taking the pessaries and started to miscarry on Friday. The worst part was early hours Sun morning worken at 3am in horredous pain, this did seem pass after about 4-5 hours. We do seem to be over the worst of it. I am still bleeding which I can cope with, but it's the emotional pain which is the worst. I thought I was doing ok, but today i just cannot stop crying. I was hoping to go back to work tomorrow, but now i'm not sure i'm up to it. I was just wondering how long it took other ladies to get over both the physical and emotional pain? (although i'm not sure i'll ever get over the emotional side) xx We didn't get any frosties sadly.

2Boys
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#2 Post by 2Boys » Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:59 pm

Hi mrskc,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't have many words of wisdom for you I'm afraid as I am still struggling with a loss myself. Mine was in Jan @14 weeks - all I would say is you are going to have bad days, really bad days and ok days for a while. I still have bad days 3 months down the line, but I also have good days too where I'm pretty much back to my old self. I think there will always be a gap though and I feel that very physically but I think I am just learning to live with it. It is an incredibly hard thing to go through - I had no idea until I went through it myself. All I would say is as much as it sucks, you have to just go through it and let it out. I know that the emotional pain is almost a physical one too, I still sometimes have that pain in my chest. You have to just cry it out. Do something for the baby you have lost if you think that might help. We named our baby and planted a plant in our garden for her. And we talk about her. I also had a pendant made with her name and dob on the back. Don't even think about work - it's obviously much too soon for you. Just do whatever you can to make things a bit easier - do things you like, see people you love. We booked a holiday and that was a huge help. Sorry I can't tell you of a magic fix - I wish there was one. I am so sorry you are going through this. xxxxx

merlin71
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#3 Post by merlin71 » Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:17 pm

Mrskc I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story sounds so much like mine. We found out at first scan we had a mmc, went back a week later and had it confirmed, stopped the meds and let nature take its course. I think what helped me was looking forward to cycling again. We had no frosties, and paid for both our cycles. It will hurt for a while and sometimes when you don't expect it.
On a positive note, I had level 1 tests done, and next cycle used clexane, and am now 11 weeks pregnant with twins - so there is hope of you decide to go again.
Take care xxx
.
Image

mrskc
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#4 Post by mrskc » Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:32 pm

Thank you for your kind replies.
I had a scan on Thursday and they confirmed everything had come away and all was looking healthy, so i guess that's something. Was dreading having to consider to surgery. It's all starting to ease off now, although i am feeling a little delicate 'down there'. I'm guessing i'm still a little swollen and bruised.
Went back work on Wednesday and have struggled to get through the week, but needed to crawl out from the under the duvet at some point. We have made enquiries now into egg sharing. We are seeing our consultant at Derby next month and then hopefully he will refer us. I'm 36 in January so we need to get a wriggle on provided we can get accepted.
I'm getting there day by day, and I'm going to over see my parents this weekend for a takeway and a glass of wine (not had a drink since early Jan - eeks). My Dad was in hospital during my miscarriage with Pneumonia and Pleurisy so i couldn't visit him which was tough as we are very close, and even at 35 years old a girl still needs a hug off her daddy x I think i'll probably finally crack once he hugs me x

TeresaM
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#5 Post by TeresaM » Thu May 08, 2014 12:39 pm

This sounds so familiar and very fresh for me today x I had a 7week scan with heartbeat and the nurse warned me that I had an enlarged yolk and to be cautiously optimistic - they wanted me back last week but I opted for a 9week scan instead - which I had this morning - sadly the heart has stopped beating and I will be having a medically endured miscarriage on Sunday :(

On a happy note I have 3 frozen blastocysts so there is hope to try again x

Sorry for your losses too x I guess I'm just reaching out as I'm scared of the physical and emotional pain I am about to suffer!
X
6x IUI 6 x BFN :(
1x IVF/ICSI - 24/3/14 BFP MM/C 9wks
1x frozen transfer 2/9/14 BFP and beautiful boy
2x frozen transfer 14/6/18 BFN after faint +
Starting again with ICSI - 24/5/19

Linzid35
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#6 Post by Linzid35 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:15 pm

Hi ladies,
I had my 8 week scan at notts on Thursday and told no foetus to be seen. I've been to Lincoln Epu for bloods twice the hcg levels were 1047 and then 952 which confirmed not viable pregnancy. We go to Mexico on Wednesday which we both obviously need now. I'm not looking forward to bleeding on holiday kind of hope starts before. Have had odd pains. I stopped pessaries yesterday afternoon. How long did it take you to start bleeding? Care nurse did say today I can use tampax which is relief on holiday. This was our one NHS funded Isci. And no frosties 😢

Linzid35
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#7 Post by Linzid35 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:17 pm

Ps the pain emotionally is unbearable I just feel so empty and lost, my husband is being amazingly supportive but obviously so hard for him too he says worst part was seeing the disbelief on my face during scan. 😢😢😢

Nicola c
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#8 Post by Nicola c » Fri Oct 02, 2015 12:03 pm

Hi ladies
It seems it's been along time since any posts were added on here but I'm going to post
Today after our IVF we were suppose to be 13 weeks sadly our scan last Tuesday showed our baby had died, I'd had no signs of miscarriage at all.
We had two previous record scans at care the first showed 2 babies one heart beat, the second one beautiful baby. Which we've now also lost.
Sadly no frozen embryos either
My mind is frantic the devastation is beyond words and I just don't know where to reach out to.
My OH is trying but greaving too.
My minds racing thinking how on earth can we raise the cash for another cycle...
I've been looking at clinics abroad to ease the financial side .
Does anyone have experience of this
How do We begin to get over this ?
Xx
Nicola

Linzid35
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#9 Post by Linzid35 » Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:05 pm

Hi Nicola.
All I can say is it does get slightly easier with time. But things trigger the terrible feelings of emptiness and pain. For example just found out a) my sister had been trying to fall pregnant which I didn't know she was too nervous to tell us coz of us going thru ivf and having mc and b) she had miscarriage on Sunday. I'm heartbroken for her knowing what the pain is like. I went on the miscarriage association site and got lots of help from them they were very quick at responding to emails and you can leave a virtual flower on their meadow with a note to your lost babies. That helped a bit.
Why have you had to go thru care? We're lucky my parents are loaning us money to try once more, like you we had no embryos frozen and first try was NHS. My husband is now on antioxidants for 3 months to improve his sperm b4 we go again! We've said one more for money and can't go thru this emotional pain over and over. Look for small positives in life and you'll cope but it's not easy and takes time xxx

Nicola c
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#10 Post by Nicola c » Wed Oct 07, 2015 12:50 pm

Thanks for replying linzi
It's now one week on, and today I'm back at work (prob for the best) we have decided in the new year to try again, my brother has a friend who went through IVF in the Czech Republic organised by a company called ivf journey in Nottingham, who are a couple who also had there IVF treatment there, decided that's our route as the whole treatment including meds travel, icsi, basically everything, works out to be £3000 a massive difference to clinics in England, I've researched the clinic and it has good success rates. For us it just seems easier to reach then trying to get together the money for treatment at care again. In the mean time waiting to see doc re helping regulate my cycle due to pcos
Been told 4 to 6 weeks waiting to get any test results from our baby which seems a life time !!!
I know some day this gaping hole I feel will heal, right now all I can think about is another cycle which hopefully bring us some joy xx
Nicola

kellylouise84
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Re: Coping with miscarriage

#11 Post by kellylouise84 » Fri Oct 29, 2021 10:45 pm

We are also very similar. Had our 1st round of IVF. In March which failed. We luckily had another embryo to use. That was transfered and found out I was pregnant. We had our 1st scan at 7weeks. Heartbeat was very strong. We was elated. Been trying for 7 years. Long story but we unfortunately lost our baby at 11.5 weeks. That was 26th Aug. We were and still are devastated. We will at some point be having IVF again but now we have to pay so need to get the money together. I'm 37.
I'm finding good and bad days. I've started making baby blankets for sands which I find very helpful. Virtual hugs to everyone 🤗

Lou89
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2021 6:49 am

Re: Coping with miscarriage

#12 Post by Lou89 » Sun Oct 31, 2021 10:53 am

TTC for 6 years three IVF cycles. The last fresh cycle we got our first ever BFP. 7 week scan no heartbeat and took me 5 weeks to miscarry following failed conservative and medical management so ended up having surgery three weeks ago. If anyone wants to talk I’d be totally up for that. Most days I don’t even know how I feel. We are so grateful to have two Frosties left so looking at our next FET. Thinking of you all. IVF women are the strongest but those who also have to handle loss on top of the process are incredible and I’m glad we aren’t alone in this. Positive thoughts to all💜

Higgi9
Posts: 117
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Re: Coping with miscarriage

#13 Post by Higgi9 » Tue Nov 02, 2021 5:52 pm

Hi,

I too am struggling after a loss. We weren't as far gone as you but it still hurts. At times I think I am ok, but then suddenly things trigger my emotions. We miscarried at around 6/7 weeks. It is so hard as you start to plan your life differently as if a baby will come and I mapped dates out- when the 12 week scan would be, when I would go on maternity, when the baby would be due etc and now they are all very painful dates. We would have been 12 weeks at the end of November.

Today I found out my colleague is 12 weeks pregnant! So as you can imagine, I am now in pain and sad again just as I thought I was coming to terms with it. I feel it is going to be painful the whole way through her pregnancy as our baby would have been born 3 weeks after hers.

We have no embryos left but we do have a round on the NHS left but we can't start that until Jan/Feb...so now just weeks of waiting!#

Hope you are all ok, thinking of you all.
Sam 29YO,
TTC for 3 years- unexplained infertility
First round April 21- Negative
Natural FET June/July 21- Negative
September 21- Medicated FET - BFP but then sadly lost
November 21 undergoing EMA tests etc
Due to start a new cycle January/Feb 22

Lou89
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2021 6:49 am

Re: Coping with miscarriage

#14 Post by Lou89 » Sat Nov 27, 2021 1:57 pm

Higgi9 wrote:
Tue Nov 02, 2021 5:52 pm
Hi,

I too am struggling after a loss. We weren't as far gone as you but it still hurts. At times I think I am ok, but then suddenly things trigger my emotions. We miscarried at around 6/7 weeks. It is so hard as you start to plan your life differently as if a baby will come and I mapped dates out- when the 12 week scan would be, when I would go on maternity, when the baby would be due etc and now they are all very painful dates. We would have been 12 weeks at the end of November.

Today I found out my colleague is 12 weeks pregnant! So as you can imagine, I am now in pain and sad again just as I thought I was coming to terms with it. I feel it is going to be painful the whole way through her pregnancy as our baby would have been born 3 weeks after hers.

We have no embryos left but we do have a round on the NHS left but we can't start that until Jan/Feb...so now just weeks of waiting!#

Hope you are all ok, thinking of you all.
Hi Sam,

I totally understand where you were you are coming from. Our baby would have been born in April and that date will never be erased from my mind. Good luck for your next round. We are in the process of an frozen and our transfer is on Thursday. I’m absolutely terrified and can’t seem to get excited about it. I then beat myself up because I feel ungrateful. I have no idea what will happen but I’m trying to be positive. Sending lots of luck and positivity to you. X

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