1 cycle fail.

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Carl85
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:46 pm

1 cycle fail.

#1 Post by Carl85 » Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:16 am

Hi,
I have read many threads on this forum but never had the guts to comment, perhaps because its admitting I have a problem, I'm not ashamed, I just feel useless and guilty.
My fertility history is 3 ectopic pregnancies which has resulted in both tubes removed. So IVF is my only course of action.
I had my embryo transfer on the 10th July. We got just one egg. He did very well so I thought( I'd convinced myself it was a boy). I started bleeding 12 days after transfer which then turned into lots of pain. I naively thought it was just normal as I did a pregnancy test 3 days after the bleed started and it showed 2 to 3 weeks instead of the 1 to 2 it read just 3 days prior. I had a scan and was told it looked OK and hormone levels were in line with how many weeks I am. A day later (yesterday) my hormone levels had dropped nearly 300iu. Which means I'm miscarrying.
I struggled the first time round. How do you cope? I am losing my patience very easily and feel guilty for being short fused with my partner. He's suffering just as much.
Thank you for reading,
Carly

Baby2
Posts: 312
Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2020 12:43 am

Re: 1 cycle fail.

#2 Post by Baby2 » Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:36 pm

Hi Carly
Sorry to hear you’ve had such horrible experiences. It’s not easy at all and it’s natural for feeling this way.
I’ve not tried it myself but others have commented on how the counselling is helpful.
It’s just not fair how this all works out this way. Wish I knew the answers as we are all different my way to cope was literally crying for a week I was distraught on my most recent miscarriage more than before as I truly believed and hoped it was going to be all ok like it is for people.
Many of us in this horrible boat and I’ve since pampered myself with facials, massages, shopping and movies which I never do. I’ve just focussed on work but I’m adapting and my coping mechanism is somehow stronger than I thought it would be but I was weak for the first two weeks as was emotionally and mentally drained.
Here if you need to vent ok x
Started journey 2011:
•ICSI BFN
•ICSI Success BFP 👶🏼 Our true blessing!

Trying for Baby 2:
•ICSI BFN
•FET BFN
•IUIs x3 BFNS / Biochemicals + MC
•ICSI Long Protocol- Sept 2020 at Care - BFN + None to freeze
•ICSI May21 - MMC

Baby2
Posts: 312
Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2020 12:43 am

Re: 1 cycle fail.

#3 Post by Baby2 » Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:36 pm

Carl85 wrote:
Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:16 am
Hi,
I have read many threads on this forum but never had the guts to comment, perhaps because its admitting I have a problem, I'm not ashamed, I just feel useless and guilty.
My fertility history is 3 ectopic pregnancies which has resulted in both tubes removed. So IVF is my only course of action.
I had my embryo transfer on the 10th July. We got just one egg. He did very well so I thought( I'd convinced myself it was a boy). I started bleeding 12 days after transfer which then turned into lots of pain. I naively thought it was just normal as I did a pregnancy test 3 days after the bleed started and it showed 2 to 3 weeks instead of the 1 to 2 it read just 3 days prior. I had a scan and was told it looked OK and hormone levels were in line with how many weeks I am. A day later (yesterday) my hormone levels had dropped nearly 300iu. Which means I'm miscarrying.
I struggled the first time round. How do you cope? I am losing my patience very easily and feel guilty for being short fused with my partner. He's suffering just as much.
Thank you for reading,
Carly

Hi Carly
Sorry to hear you’ve had such horrible experiences. It’s not easy at all and it’s natural for feeling this way.
I’ve not tried it myself but others have commented on how the counselling is helpful.
It’s just not fair how this all works out this way. Wish I knew the answers as we are all different my way to cope was literally crying for a week I was distraught on my most recent miscarriage more than before as I truly believed and hoped it was going to be all ok like it is for people.
Many of us in this horrible boat and I’ve since pampered myself with facials, massages, shopping and movies which I never do. I’ve just focussed on work but I’m adapting and my coping mechanism is somehow stronger than I thought it would be but I was weak for the first two weeks as was emotionally and mentally drained.
Here if you need to vent ok x
Started journey 2011:
•ICSI BFN
•ICSI Success BFP 👶🏼 Our true blessing!

Trying for Baby 2:
•ICSI BFN
•FET BFN
•IUIs x3 BFNS / Biochemicals + MC
•ICSI Long Protocol- Sept 2020 at Care - BFN + None to freeze
•ICSI May21 - MMC

Carl85
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:46 pm

Re: 1 cycle fail.

#4 Post by Carl85 » Tue Nov 09, 2021 1:27 am

Hiya,
Sorry I did not realise you had replied to my thread.
I appreciate it very much.
I'm sorry that you have experienced that loss.
Its reassuring to see that you have made the best of a crap situation. I wished I was that strong, I feel numb to it all, its like I'm containing good and bad emotions and then one day it will erupt, maybe.
Thank you to suggest the counselling, I may consider that and see if that helps. Even just writing this thread months ago was the first time I've reached out to anyone. Made sense at the time to off load my feelings.
Where are you in your journey now? I hope its positive, fingers crossed.
Thank you so much again for you reply x

LilacRose
Posts: 447
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2020 8:29 am

Re: 1 cycle fail.

#5 Post by LilacRose » Tue Nov 09, 2021 7:44 am

Hi Carly

I landed on your post and saw you'd replied this morning, so thought I'd say hello!

How are you doing? Where are you up to now - are you starting a new cycle?

I've had an ectopic in the past too - it's a horrible experience and I'm sending you a hug. Also, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I've had 3 failed transfers now (2 rounds) and I know what you mean about feeling numb. I seem to feel different every time. This last time, I felt quite numb and then just quite cross/focussed/determined for some reason! The second time though, I was just really sad.

I started a thread called waiting to start/between cycles if you fancy a chat any time - there's some lovely ladies on there xx
Me 37, DH 38.
2013: 👶 postpartum infection and tube damage.
2016: ruptured ectopic 👼
Oct 20: IVF. 1 fresh, 3 frosties. BFN.
Feb 21: PGT-A. 1 euploid.
Jun: FET. BFN.
Sep/Oct: IVF. 1 embryo. Fresh transfer. BFN.
Nov: ERA/ALICE/EMMA

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