Surrogacy advice

Life after IVF? What other options are available?

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Havefaith
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 10:10 am

Surrogacy advice

Hello

I’m really hoping that someone could help me with some advice about surrogates and how I could look into this option.

I have recently had yet another failed ivf treatment, my fourth failed cycle. I’m wondering if my body just can’t carry and I feel it’s time I look in to other options.

I do need to have my follow up consultation with Care Nottingham but I will be approaching this with my doctor, dr Francis when I see him.

Thank you in advance.

Suzie x
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hi Suzie,

I'm afraid I don't have any advice on surrogacy, but I think I'm in a similar position to you!

I've had 3 IUIs, 2 fresh IVFs (ICSI) and I'm about to start my 3rd frozen IVF transfer, and nothing has worked so far, so me and my partner are losing hope that it will ever work for us. Would you mind if I ask what your IVF journey has been like so far? We have unexplained infertility and the only diagnosis so far is I've been found to have high natural killer cells so the last 2 transfers I've had intralipid infusions to regulate this but still no success - we seem to be able to create decent embryos in the lab but they just won't stick!

We're also under Dr Francis at Care Nottingham so I'd be interested to know what his advice is - I asked him about surrogacy after our last failure and he seemed to think it was too soon to consider it.

Wishing you the very best of luck x
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hello,

I'm in a similar boat...3 fresh cycles, 7 transfers, 1 missed miscarriages. I have immune issues and sticky blood so latest cycle I'm on steroids and Inhixa. We seems to create good quality embryos but that's as far as it goes. We've transferred 2 day 5 embryos but don't feel like it has worked AGAIN. I have 1 frozen left and can't bare to have it put it again. Having the extra drugs is making even the frozen cycle very difficult. I think I've reached my limit :cry: my friend has offered to be our surrogate but it's a bit complicated. ..she recently gave birth to her 2nd baby and she would want to wait a year before lending us her uterus and she lives in Australia. I was thinking about potentially finding someone here for the last embryo. Does anyone know how it works if you are on Access Fertility?
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hi Mariela,

I really feel for you, and I also feel like I'm reaching the end of the journey. I feel like IVF has taken over my life for several years and I'd quite like to have it back thanks! I also have 1 frozen embryo in the freezer and then we've got another full cycle left with Access Fertility. My sister has sort of offered to be our surrogate (although her husband isn't keen), and I'm wondering if we could use our last Access cycle for surrogacy. I'm also wondering if we should just accept defeat and start to consider adoption as a possible alternative.

Please let me know if you find out how it would work on Access Fertility, I'd be really interested to know...

In the meantime make sure you take proper care of yourself - I forgot to say for the last two cycles I've been on steroids, aspirin, intralipids and Inxhixa - it really is a lot of medication to be taking when you're otherwise perfectly healthy!!
x
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hello Loulou123,

I'm on the same drugs as you. This is our 1st frozen cycle with the massive cocktail of drugs. I've definately found if more stressful this time around. The inhixa injection are a killer, the pain when they go in every day is unbearable sometimes. How are you finding them?
I know how you feel....IVF has been such a massive part of my life and it has become my life for years now. It's very exhausting and putting such a strain on us physicslly and emotionally. I'm definitely sick of it but I'm so desperate to have a kid that somehow manage to keep going. I managed to get pregnant without the extra drugs which is making me hopeful that will all the extra drugs it should really work.
When are you due to start your frozen cycle? My test date is 14th so not long now. I just want to know now, the wait is killing me.
If this cycle hasn't worked I will try 1 more time ...maybe and then I'm done. I'm pretty sure you can use a surrogate through Access Fertility but will need to double check.
Sending positive vibes and tons of baby dust xxx
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

I'm on Buserelin now to down-regulate because I still seem to ovulate when I take estradiol and it has caused a previous FET to be cancelled. Then hopefully embryo transfer will be around 12th December. Such a shame the result will come over Christmas, I think I'll be okay but it's going to really get my other half down, he takes it so badly every time it doesn't work. He's 43 (I'm 35) and feels like he's running out of time.

I definitely found the Inhixa injections to be quite painful, and cause a bit bruising, but I guess it's a necessary evil.

Good luck for your test date! I'll keep fingers and toes crossed for you.
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hello loulou123 so I couldn't wait and tested this morning...it's BFP!!!!! Arggghhhh I can't believe it. I'm still in shock. Genuinely I thought it was gonna be a BFN. I thought I was seeing lines haha. Official test date is Wednesday...never been so scared and excited. I pray it or them stick around for 9 months.
How are you doing? Not long until you start, are you looking forward to it? After so many failed cycles it's easy for ppl to say Be positive but they aren't the ones going through it. I wasn't positive...can't deal with the heartbreake every time. All I can say is that you are doing your best and you are trying again, that's all we can do with a pinch of hope xxx
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

OMG congratulations, that's amazing news!! I'm SO HAPPY for you!!!
I haven't logged in for a few days and it's so nice to read a positive story, it gives me hope that it could one day work for me.
I wish you all the best for an easy and uneventful pregnancy x
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hello Loulou123 just a quick update to hopefully give you so hope... Had my scan today, baby measuring 8w5d. Exactly where it should be ❤
Have you started your protocol yet?x
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

That's such good news, congratulations! it must be amazing to have a scan and find out everything is just as it should be!

We had a frozen embryo transfer yesterday and they've told us otd is 25th December, but I don't want to do a negative test on Christmas morning so I'm going to test a day or two early just so I can get the tears out of the way and then try to enjoy Christmas.

x
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Oh I'll keep everything crossed for you! Hope you get your Christmas miracle ❤. I know what you mean last thing you want to do is test on Christmas. I tested about 5 days early, I just wanted to know.. 😳. It's been a rocky road since...watch out for sick ppl if you are on steroids too as immune system is low. I got so ill and took over 2 weeks to get better.
It was amazing to see it moving about...cried as expected lol. Still doesn't feel real though x
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hi Mariela,
How many days after transfer did you test? I'm only 5dp5dt and I'm going so crazy already!
I was thinking of waiting until Friday (9dp5dt) or Saturday (10dp5dt) to test so I can get a reliable result.
My immune system must be very strong because even when I'm on steroids, intralipids, etc I still don't get sick. I really think that is my biggest problem in trying to get pregnant.
I bet you're really looking forward to Christmas now you've had your scan and you know everything's okay! have you told your family?
xx
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hiya 😀
I only got sick 2 weeks ago, a few of my colleagues were sick previously and I didn't catch anything. My mum and step dad stayed over 2 weeks ago and he wasn't too well so I guess I caught it from him 🤦🏻‍♀️. Anyways much better now.
I had my transfer on 1st of Nov and tested on the 10th. I used clear blue early detection test and both lines were nice and strong. But then again you may have a late implantion so if for whatever reason you don't get 2 lines don't lose hope.
I've told my mum and a couple of friends that know about IVF. I'm just scared for the 12 week scan. I pray everything is ok with it. It's taken so long to get to this point ...at least I can eat all I want this Christmas minus the wine though which I don't mind really.
Have you told many people about IVF? What dose of steroids are you taking? I'm on 20mg until 12 weeks xx
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

I tested this morning (9dp5dt) and got a bfn, so that’s another attempt over for me.
I will ask about surrogacy at my review appointment.
Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and have a lovely Christmas xx
2016 - 3 x IUI (all BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 fresh) - Jan 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 1 (1 frozen) - Apr 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 fresh) - Oct 2017 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (2 frozen) - Apr 2018 (BFN)
ICSI 2 (1 frozen) - Nov 2018 (TBC)
Mariela85
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Oh I'm so sorry to hear :( it's not over until your test date so I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I don't blame you for wanting to look into surrogacy, I would of too if this cycle didn't work.
Thank you. I pray the 12 week scan goes well..I'm absolutely petrified.
I wish you all the best and hope things workout for you xxx
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

Hi Mariela,
How did your 12-week scan go?
I had my review appointment on Friday and we've been recommended to have an ERA test to check if my uterus lining is "out of sync" with the embryo transfer. Apparently this can cause implantation failure, so it's worth a try. It will cost over £1000 and means delaying our next IVF cycle by 3 months, but I guess at this stage we're running out of ideas so I'm willing to consider anything to find out why it's not working.
I did try to talk to the doctor about the option of surrogacy, but he doesn't want to discuss it until after we've had the ERA test results, I think he's hopeful that he'll manage to get me pregnant but I don't think he realises how close me and my partner are to giving up! Maybe he understood it a little better after my boyfriend cried during the appointment, I told the doctor this might be our last cycle as it's just too hard emotionally to keep going on and on without even a positive test so far.
Anyway, I hope everything is going well for you. Take care of yourself xx
loulou123
Posts: 98
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:16 pm

Re: Surrogacy advice

I just wanted to post an update on here for anyone thinking about doing surrogacy who is in a package with Access Fertility. I contacted them to ask if we could use a surrogate with any of our embryos and they said no, the only option is to leave the scheme and pay for the treatment privately (depending on how much treatment you've had you might be entitled to a partial refund).

So I'm about to start my final cycle with Access and I'm thinking I'll go ahead with the fresh egg collection and fertilisation, and then use the fresh embryo myself as that's all included in the package. Then if we're lucky enough to have some frozen embryos left then we'll look for a surrogate and pay for a frozen embryo transfer into the host surrogate (£1750 each time I think). Care Nottingham will do surrogacy transfers so at least we won't have to change clinic.

Has anyone else out there been down the surrogacy route? I'd love to hear about other people's experiences, I'm really worried about how it would feel to see another woman pregnant with my child and then have to stand by at the birth and effectively take a newborn baby away from the woman who's just given birth to it. And not be able to breastfeed etc etc. I think I would feel like an imposter.
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