Hi Everyone
I hope you are all doing ok? Thanks for that info Mel. I think I wll go down those lines if I ever get there. I am a little upset at the mo. Had visit from Little T's SW the other day and she tells me that the birth family are going to contest the adoption at court. Apparently they have also bought him gifts which she has for me to give him and they have made him a big poster. She also gave me loads of photos from the family of him and his birth family from birth to the beginning of this year which quite upset me when I looked at them. He hasnt really changed much and I am now worried he would be easy to spot if I ever bumped into any of his family. Are the family still allowed to buy gifts? Can this go on until he is 18? I was in tears the other night over it all. I feel quite sick thinking that when it all goes to court it is all going to go wrong.
On the brighter side Little T has started full time school and love it. I am still on leave and it is really strage not having him around. Quite miss him really.
Well best get on and do some housework before he comes home.
Take care. I hope the new mummies are doing ok
xxx
Adoption Angels 2010
Moderator: Administrator
Hi Sar
Blimey. Some SWs really know how to upset people, don't they?!
This is my understanding of the court process: It's a legal requirement for the court to give the birth parents notice that the adoption hearing is going ahead and to give them the opportunity to ask for the right to appeal. Now, I believe that this is the critical thing - they have to 'ask for the right to appeal' (which I'm sure has some proper legal terminology). My SW has been a SW for several years and she told me that she, and no other SWs she spoke to, had ever heard of a judge actually granting the birth parents the right to appeal. The birth parents would have to prove that there had been HUGE changes in their lives since the Care Order and Placement Order court cases. If the judge did for some unfathomable reason give them the right to appeal then they would have to go through a full process and the judge would need to look at what was in the best interests of Little T. I've never heard of a judge deciding it was best to place an (almost) adopted child back with a birth family. Do you know whether the birth family actively contested the Care and Placement Orders?
As for the poster and presents - I have never heard of this happening before either, unless they were bought/made before you were matched with Little T? As far as I am aware, once final contact has happened between the child and birth family then the only contact is via the agreed contact mechanism - usually letter box contact. In my opinion, the SWs (yours and Little Ts) should have made this clear to the birth family and should have put a stop to this - for their sakes as well as yours and Little T's. Once you have an Adoption Order you are legally Little T's mum and have the same parental responsibilities and rights as any other parent - so, no, they are not allowed to carry on buying gifts. Their only contact will be via the Letterbox Administrator and you. We were given letters from the birth family that were written before final contact and, because of their nature, we've put them away safely until Little W is much older. They weren't appropriate for his Life Story Book... And he has toys that he plays with still now that were gifts from birth family while he was in foster care - I've put photos of them in a box with some other bits that came from birth family.
On the plus side, at least you have some photos of Little T when he was very young
. We only have a handful of rubbish ones of Little W from birth to 2 years.
Maybe some of the other ladies have different experiences of these things. I'm actually going to an 'adoption info' evening tonight as an adoptive parent so I'll try to collar a social worker and double check I'm not talking twaddle!!
Make the most of your leave and put your feet up
.
Hope everyone else is OK. I haven't caught up with all the back news - just popped on between work and school run!!
We're OK here. Have had a few problems with Little W getting aggressive when he's frustrated so we've asked for some extra support - which seems to be forthcoming so that's good.
xxx
Blimey. Some SWs really know how to upset people, don't they?!
This is my understanding of the court process: It's a legal requirement for the court to give the birth parents notice that the adoption hearing is going ahead and to give them the opportunity to ask for the right to appeal. Now, I believe that this is the critical thing - they have to 'ask for the right to appeal' (which I'm sure has some proper legal terminology). My SW has been a SW for several years and she told me that she, and no other SWs she spoke to, had ever heard of a judge actually granting the birth parents the right to appeal. The birth parents would have to prove that there had been HUGE changes in their lives since the Care Order and Placement Order court cases. If the judge did for some unfathomable reason give them the right to appeal then they would have to go through a full process and the judge would need to look at what was in the best interests of Little T. I've never heard of a judge deciding it was best to place an (almost) adopted child back with a birth family. Do you know whether the birth family actively contested the Care and Placement Orders?
As for the poster and presents - I have never heard of this happening before either, unless they were bought/made before you were matched with Little T? As far as I am aware, once final contact has happened between the child and birth family then the only contact is via the agreed contact mechanism - usually letter box contact. In my opinion, the SWs (yours and Little Ts) should have made this clear to the birth family and should have put a stop to this - for their sakes as well as yours and Little T's. Once you have an Adoption Order you are legally Little T's mum and have the same parental responsibilities and rights as any other parent - so, no, they are not allowed to carry on buying gifts. Their only contact will be via the Letterbox Administrator and you. We were given letters from the birth family that were written before final contact and, because of their nature, we've put them away safely until Little W is much older. They weren't appropriate for his Life Story Book... And he has toys that he plays with still now that were gifts from birth family while he was in foster care - I've put photos of them in a box with some other bits that came from birth family.
On the plus side, at least you have some photos of Little T when he was very young
. We only have a handful of rubbish ones of Little W from birth to 2 years.Maybe some of the other ladies have different experiences of these things. I'm actually going to an 'adoption info' evening tonight as an adoptive parent so I'll try to collar a social worker and double check I'm not talking twaddle!!
Make the most of your leave and put your feet up
. Hope everyone else is OK. I haven't caught up with all the back news - just popped on between work and school run!!
We're OK here. Have had a few problems with Little W getting aggressive when he's frustrated so we've asked for some extra support - which seems to be forthcoming so that's good.
xxx
Hi Wobally
Thanks for that info. I am still nervous about it all but hopefully it will all sort itself out soon. As for the gifts and poster they were handed in last week!!!! I am not impressed she really needs to be told to back off. Surely she should be having some work done with her to get her to understad what this process means.
Have a good weekend.
Hi to everyone xxxx
Thanks for that info. I am still nervous about it all but hopefully it will all sort itself out soon. As for the gifts and poster they were handed in last week!!!! I am not impressed she really needs to be told to back off. Surely she should be having some work done with her to get her to understad what this process means.
Have a good weekend.
Hi to everyone xxxx
Sar x
Hi Sar
Waiting for the Ao can be a tough time (((HUGS))) DS was relinquished so his BF could have turned round at any point and changed their minds before the AO was granted, SS said they would fight them though and get orders if necessary. DD's tried to contest the AO but got no where. They have to be given the chance to turn up and voice their opinion and ask for the right to contest, as Wobally said, they don't have that right automatically. Sometimes they are given a chance to put a case together but this is usually before a child is place with an adoptive family. Many LAs have now stopped telling BF when they have found a new family and only tell them after LO has moved into that home in order to reduce the risk of birth families contesting. If a child is still in FC when they contest a judge will give them the chance to put a case together, once a child has been placed a judge will not allow this. There has never been a child removed from an adoptive home and returned to birth family.
Unfortunately many BFs try to contest as it goes on the file and shows their last ditch attempt. They can turn round and say they tried in their minds, a very poor too little too late attempt in the minds of everyone else. Maybe it helps them to move forward..???
Presents, photos, birthday/christmas cards etc are not usually given after the AO and realistically after placement, they should have had a goodbye visit in which to give any presents. Have you signed a letterbox agreement? In that it should state what you are prepared to send and recieve, i.e. a letter to BM, BF once or twice a year, photos either way, drawings from LO. The birth family do not have a say in what you send, they can ask but you get to decide what you are happy with and they have to live with that. If you aren't happy recieving cards, photos or anything other than a letter it is up to your agency to either keep the items on file (though not very practical) or return them to the birth family.
We have photo albums of both our children from birth onwards, many with birth family members. They don't bother me as I know when the children are older they will help them piece together their story, many adopted children have such a big gap missing in their lives and that can cause massive problems as they get older and deal with who they are and where they came from. Put them away safe for now and at a later date you could sort them into ones to keep and either return others or destroy them if they are not appropriate.
Wobally - hope you get the support you and LO needs. We have been fighting for help for DS and after months of meetings with SWs we are finally getting somewhere but it is so slow....
Mel xxx
Waiting for the Ao can be a tough time (((HUGS))) DS was relinquished so his BF could have turned round at any point and changed their minds before the AO was granted, SS said they would fight them though and get orders if necessary. DD's tried to contest the AO but got no where. They have to be given the chance to turn up and voice their opinion and ask for the right to contest, as Wobally said, they don't have that right automatically. Sometimes they are given a chance to put a case together but this is usually before a child is place with an adoptive family. Many LAs have now stopped telling BF when they have found a new family and only tell them after LO has moved into that home in order to reduce the risk of birth families contesting. If a child is still in FC when they contest a judge will give them the chance to put a case together, once a child has been placed a judge will not allow this. There has never been a child removed from an adoptive home and returned to birth family.
Unfortunately many BFs try to contest as it goes on the file and shows their last ditch attempt. They can turn round and say they tried in their minds, a very poor too little too late attempt in the minds of everyone else. Maybe it helps them to move forward..???
Presents, photos, birthday/christmas cards etc are not usually given after the AO and realistically after placement, they should have had a goodbye visit in which to give any presents. Have you signed a letterbox agreement? In that it should state what you are prepared to send and recieve, i.e. a letter to BM, BF once or twice a year, photos either way, drawings from LO. The birth family do not have a say in what you send, they can ask but you get to decide what you are happy with and they have to live with that. If you aren't happy recieving cards, photos or anything other than a letter it is up to your agency to either keep the items on file (though not very practical) or return them to the birth family.
We have photo albums of both our children from birth onwards, many with birth family members. They don't bother me as I know when the children are older they will help them piece together their story, many adopted children have such a big gap missing in their lives and that can cause massive problems as they get older and deal with who they are and where they came from. Put them away safe for now and at a later date you could sort them into ones to keep and either return others or destroy them if they are not appropriate.
Wobally - hope you get the support you and LO needs. We have been fighting for help for DS and after months of meetings with SWs we are finally getting somewhere but it is so slow....
Mel xxx
After years of tx and heartache we are having a family via adoption. 2yr old DS moved in June 08, AO granted 18/12/08 - A Forever Family Dec 09 starting again for #2 May 10 approved for #2...Found our daughter, can't wait to meet her
Dec 09 starting again for #2 May 10 approved for #2...Found our daughter, can't wait to meet her Hi
Mel - I think one reason we've got help so quickly is because we haven't actually been 'signed off' to the 'post adoption support team' yet and are still under our adoption social worker. (Long story but we made a complaint that has only just been sorted...) So our social worker has pushed it for us as part of our handover to the post adoption team. I really hope you get the right support quickly for you and DS. The world of the SW seems to spin at a quarter of the rate of the normal world!
Sar - I spoke with my social worker today about the gift scenario. She said that our LA's approach is that they would discourage the birth family from sending cards/gifts etc but that if they still sent them - eg as part of letterbox contact - that the LA would probably pass them to the adoptive parent but that it would then be completely up to the adoptive parent what they did with them. A bit of a pain in that we then have the decision making responsibility but I guess they think we're best placed to decide. But I think it's one of those areas where each LA/VA may have their own guidelines. If it were me, I'd probably accept these ones (and do whatever you think is best with them) but make it clear, as Mel said, as part of the letterbox agreement what you are and aren't willing to accept in future. Do you get on well with your SW? Could you give them a call and talk through it? xx
I remember how tough this time was for us - when we received our court date, I rang the court and had a chat with them as I was paranoid that BF would turn up at court and put a spanner in the works. Despite all the reassurances it's still hard not to worry though.
xx
Mel - I think one reason we've got help so quickly is because we haven't actually been 'signed off' to the 'post adoption support team' yet and are still under our adoption social worker. (Long story but we made a complaint that has only just been sorted...) So our social worker has pushed it for us as part of our handover to the post adoption team. I really hope you get the right support quickly for you and DS. The world of the SW seems to spin at a quarter of the rate of the normal world
!Sar - I spoke with my social worker today about the gift scenario. She said that our LA's approach is that they would discourage the birth family from sending cards/gifts etc but that if they still sent them - eg as part of letterbox contact - that the LA would probably pass them to the adoptive parent but that it would then be completely up to the adoptive parent what they did with them. A bit of a pain in that we then have the decision making responsibility but I guess they think we're best placed to decide. But I think it's one of those areas where each LA/VA may have their own guidelines. If it were me, I'd probably accept these ones (and do whatever you think is best with them) but make it clear, as Mel said, as part of the letterbox agreement what you are and aren't willing to accept in future. Do you get on well with your SW? Could you give them a call and talk through it? xx
I remember how tough this time was for us - when we received our court date, I rang the court and had a chat with them as I was paranoid that BF would turn up at court and put a spanner in the works. Despite all the reassurances it's still hard not to worry though.
xx
Hi
Wobally and Mel - Thanks ever so much for the info. Thats helped me set my mind to rest a bit. I have signed the letterbox paperwork and just agreed to 1 letter a year.
I have spoken to my social worker and told he how I feel about it all and will mention it to his social worker when I next see her.
Thanks for the advice hug and ear xx
Wobally and Mel - Thanks ever so much for the info. Thats helped me set my mind to rest a bit. I have signed the letterbox paperwork and just agreed to 1 letter a year.
I have spoken to my social worker and told he how I feel about it all and will mention it to his social worker when I next see her.
Thanks for the advice hug and ear xx
Sar x
Hi Ladies
I hope you all had a wonderful xmas and I just thought I would pop on and wish you all a happy New Year. I am finally all offical now as a mummy my journey has come to an end with social services. I cant tell you how happy I am. I hope you all are doing ok and that your little ones are blooming.
Take care everyone big hugs xx
I hope you all had a wonderful xmas and I just thought I would pop on and wish you all a happy New Year. I am finally all offical now as a mummy my journey has come to an end with social services. I cant tell you how happy I am. I hope you all are doing ok and that your little ones are blooming.
Take care everyone big hugs xx
Sar x
)Hi Wobally
Christmas was just the best. Took Little T 2 hours to open his presents he was thoroughly spoiled and I felt no guilt for doing it LOL.
I absolutlely love being a mum. I can see how people once they have had a child for a while want another one. I just love the things they come out with. Apparently we had a plunger in our house the other day........ he meant the plumber LOL LOL LOL. Hysterical. Priceless I am writing down all these things to remind him when he is 18!
Hows things with you? I cant beleive how quiet it has gone too but like you I havent had 5 mins to get on either. Its a good sign though we must all be doing ok.
Well must carry on with the jobs I need to do.
Look after yourself and love to all the lovely ladies on the thread when they manage to get 5 to come back on and chat up.
xxxxxx
Christmas was just the best. Took Little T 2 hours to open his presents he was thoroughly spoiled and I felt no guilt for doing it LOL.
I absolutlely love being a mum. I can see how people once they have had a child for a while want another one. I just love the things they come out with. Apparently we had a plunger in our house the other day........ he meant the plumber LOL LOL LOL. Hysterical. Priceless I am writing down all these things to remind him when he is 18!
Hows things with you? I cant beleive how quiet it has gone too but like you I havent had 5 mins to get on either. Its a good sign though we must all be doing ok.
Well must carry on with the jobs I need to do.
Look after yourself and love to all the lovely ladies on the thread when they manage to get 5 to come back on and chat up.
xxxxxx
Sar x
Hi Sar
So pleased you had a lovely Christmas and I'm so glad you're loving being a mum. Yes, my little one has me in hysterics too. He's going through a rude word phase so the other day he was walking round saying as many rude words as he could - luckily the rudest was poo so it wasn't too shocking!
Things are good here. He had croup really badly in December and was ill for over a month so that was a bit tricky for us all - especially with so much going on at school for Christmas. But on the whole everything is really good.
I've just found out that I've been accepted as a panel member for our LA panel. Really looking forward to it. I've also been doing some 'work' at their adoption info evenings - basically I just chat to prospective adopters about my experience of adoption, so it doesn't feel like work!! It's actually quite a nice night out once a month .
When do you go back to work? Are you going back?
W xx
So pleased you had a lovely Christmas and I'm so glad you're loving being a mum
. Yes, my little one has me in hysterics too. He's going through a rude word phase so the other day he was walking round saying as many rude words as he could - luckily the rudest was poo so it wasn't too shocking!Things are good here. He had croup really badly in December and was ill for over a month so that was a bit tricky for us all - especially with so much going on at school for Christmas. But on the whole everything is really good.
I've just found out that I've been accepted as a panel member for our LA panel
. Really looking forward to it. I've also been doing some 'work' at their adoption info evenings - basically I just chat to prospective adopters about my experience of adoption, so it doesn't feel like work!! It's actually quite a nice night out once a month .When do you go back to work? Are you going back?
W xx
Hi Wobally
So glad to hear all is ok with you. Congrats on becoming a panel member. At least you can sympathise with the tembling wrecks that turn up on panel day LOL. I too have done a talk for a new adoption training group. I really enjoyed it too. Wish I could get to do it more.
So looking forward to the weekend. Cant wait for my lie in I manage to get till 8 oclock if I am lucky LOL.
Took Little T swimming last weekend he swims like a fish so good at it. I have taught him myself which isnt bad to say I only taught myself a few years ago.
Well its nearly bedtime (for him not me) mind you I am shattered so I dont think it will be a late one fo me. I had some friends over last weekend and I didnt get to bed till nearly 2 oclock and I had forgotten that late nights and kids dont mix. LOL. Will remember not to do that again. LOL.
Have a great weekend and chat soon.
Sar x
So glad to hear all is ok with you. Congrats on becoming a panel member. At least you can sympathise with the tembling wrecks that turn up on panel day LOL. I too have done a talk for a new adoption training group. I really enjoyed it too. Wish I could get to do it more.
So looking forward to the weekend. Cant wait for my lie in I manage to get till 8 oclock if I am lucky LOL.
Took Little T swimming last weekend he swims like a fish so good at it. I have taught him myself which isnt bad to say I only taught myself a few years ago.
Well its nearly bedtime (for him not me) mind you I am shattered so I dont think it will be a late one fo me. I had some friends over last weekend and I didnt get to bed till nearly 2 oclock and I had forgotten that late nights and kids dont mix. LOL. Will remember not to do that again. LOL.
Have a great weekend and chat soon.
Sar x
Sar x
Hey there,
Just wanted to say hi to any of you lovely ladies who may still come on to visit. Its been months since I did!
Being a mum is amazing. Love my two little girls. We too have had all the paperwork and celebration days etc and now have no more to do with social services. In one way it is strange as you get attached to your social worker. We will miss ours! But on the other hand, it makes everything normal (as normal as family life ever is!)
I imagine it will be another few months before I come on again, but to anyone out there who is just starting to take those first tentative steps in the journey of adoption, do it as soon as you are ready. When you eventually have that child / children in your arms for bedtime cuddles you can't imagine a time that they ever were not yours. It really is the most amazing journey.
Lots of love xxx
Just wanted to say hi to any of you lovely ladies who may still come on to visit. Its been months since I did!
Being a mum is amazing. Love my two little girls. We too have had all the paperwork and celebration days etc and now have no more to do with social services. In one way it is strange as you get attached to your social worker. We will miss ours! But on the other hand, it makes everything normal (as normal as family life ever is!)
I imagine it will be another few months before I come on again, but to anyone out there who is just starting to take those first tentative steps in the journey of adoption, do it as soon as you are ready. When you eventually have that child / children in your arms for bedtime cuddles you can't imagine a time that they ever were not yours. It really is the most amazing journey.
Lots of love xxx