meeting birth parents.....

Hel75 · Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:43 pm

Hi, Just after some thoughts on this from people who have done it... We are meeting our LO's birth parents soon and feel unbelievably anxious about it, I understand the benefits and know its a positive thing, but am frankly terrified. Already feel guilt at the fact that our gorgeous one has been taken from them (even though i know its with very good reason) so don't now how i can face them... Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated. Feels like once this is done I can sigh a relief as have been petrified since day 1 about it!
xxx

josie67 · Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:24 pm

Hi Hel,

No advice obviously as I am yet to get any near this stage, but just to let you know it was one of the things i was most worried about until talking to our social worker about it and realising how supported you could be through it and knowing that there are 'taboo' subjects that you and birth parents aren't allowed to talk about. I kind of presumed we were thrown in a room with birth parents and that was it, but it appears from talking to our social worker it is all much more organised than that. She also said that the majority of the time in her experience birth parents were angry with social workers rather than the adopters.

Good luck hun. Hope everything goes well, and keep us up to date on the angels thread too xxx

Sue123 · Thu Oct 25, 2012 6:49 pm

Hi Hel,
again sorry I can't offer any advice because I'm only just starting home study, but I am unsure of this kind of meeting, how it will go and I am worried about the security aspect of it for the child afterwards. Being a teacher makes me a bit more in the public domain (photos in paper, on website etc) and I'm worried the birth parents mite spot me later down the line, find out where I work and hence where their child is.

I will be hoping some lovely ladies respond to this thread.

Good luck with it Hel.

Sue. xx

Hel75 · Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:04 pm

Thanks for your replies guys.... still feel sick about the whole thing! SW supposed to be coming out to chat to us about it before it happens so hopefully will feel better about it then!
Sue- I 'm a teacher too so have the same concerns....
Not coping well atm in general but will no doubt get over it, am so very lucky to have a gorgeous LO... x

Rallygirl · Wed Oct 31, 2012 4:46 pm

No advice really, never been in the same position exactly but I was a FC for some years and did have to meet birth families.

To be honest, it was never easy, always a bit fraught but as has been mentioned, social workers are there, you're not just thrown in at the deep end.

Is this a one off or will there be contact between your child and his/her BP's?

Hel75 · Wed Oct 31, 2012 8:34 pm

Just a one off x

Mel · Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:14 pm

Hi Ladies

Sorry, I've not been on much lately and only just seen this.

We met DS's birth family before we met DS and found it to be a very positive experience for all of us. BM gave us a little box to put his first tooth in about half way through the meeting and said SS had done something right in finding us for him and she knew we would love him and look after him. It was quite emotional but knowing she approved of us was nice.

We were due to meet DD's birth father after DD had been home a few months. The first meeting was planned and cancelled due to him being in prison, the second meeting we drove 200 miles and he didn't turn up

I actually feel really sad that we didn't get the chance to meet him. BM didn't want to meet us and hadn't been very co-operative with SS for a long time.

You should have your SW with you for support, they should also have support. It is nerve wracking but try to remember you have the LO and they will be feeling a lot worse than you. SS are their enemy in their eyes, they have taken away their child, told them they are not good enough to be parents, poked their noses in all their business and taken them to court etc etc etc and then given their child to people who are considered better than them. SS to you are people who have given you your LO, yes you've jumped through hoops initially but all for a good outcome.

Speak to your SW and see how the meeting will go, whether you need to prepare questions or whether SWs will lead the meeting. There may be things they advise you not to ask or things you would like to ask but would be better coming from a SW.

Good luck and try not to worry.

Mel x