Quick Question....

[Meadsylou]

Hi ladies

Me and my hubby are considering options at the moment, whether to go for adoption or to do ivf again...

I was wondering if we were to adopt would we be allowed to go for ivf in the future?

Thanks

Louise

[Maple]

Meadsylou,

I think adoption agencies/LA want to see couples who have given up on IVF for good ... they want to see that you have moved on (and you will have to be IVF treatment-free for 6 o 12 months).

http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/info-for-f ... 40,AR.html

There is nothing the adoption agency/LA can do, if after successful adoption, you went for IVF treatment. (They won't know unless you tell them. For all they know, it could a naturally conceived pregnancy). The only thing is that they are likely to discriminate you for future adoptions.

I want to tell you a story ...

A friend of mine, adopted two siblings (one 18 months and the other 6 months), and less than a year after the adoption process was over, my friend got a call from the LA asking her if she would adopt another sibling (though from a difference father) to her adopted children ... LA likes to keep genetically linked siblings together and they always offer the adoptive parents to the first adopted child(ren) the chance of adopting their genetically linked sibling.

All the best,
Maple
xxx

[Meadsylou]

Thanks Maple

After losing Amelia I don't know whether we are brave enough to go through another pregnancy but not sure either if we are ready to go for adoption yet either! So many decisions to make xx

[Maple]

Meadsylou,

I can't even start to imagine the pain and heartache you went through (and are still going through) with your tragic loss. Of course you are petrified of the thought of going through IVF again ... it will take an enormous amount of strength and courage to do it again.

You are at a crossroads ... whether to give IVF another shot or channel your energy into adoption. Do give yourself plenty of time to decide ... not any easy one.

After 8 IVF's and 4 m/c's ... I just didn't have the strength or the time to continue IVF (with very little hope left for success using my own body), I ultimately decided to go down the surrogacy (as adoption was not open to me due to my age) ... it was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but I am pleased that I bit the bullet ... just wish I had done it sooner, so that I could have become a mummy sooner.

There are odd days that I still wish I could have carried my baby and I wonder whether if I just had enough courage to go for that one 'last' IVF attempt I would have succeeded. Then reality hits ... it really doesn't matter how my son has come to me - he is finally here and he is mine, and I love him no matter what.

All the best for whatever you decide to do,
Maple
xxx

[Mel]

HI

When we started down the adoption route I wasn't sure so had an agreement with DH that if at any time I felt it wasn't right we would go back to ivf, I didn't share this with SS though. We'd had 9 years of ttc, 8 icsi cycles, mcs, immune drugs and then went abroad and were told we should have been using donor sperm from the start. By then though we couldn't get the immune tx support abroad and had lost all faith in the UK clinics. It was a massive step and took a lot of sole searching but we knew we didn't want to live without children in our lives and so started the adoption process.

I now have 2 wonderful children who mean the world to me and would go for a 3rd but DH says no! unless a birth sibling came along.

Having adopted I personnally wouldn't now go back to ivf for many reasons: financial, time but most importantly I think it would throw my DS completely off track.

However, I do know a few people who have had ivf after adoption and had a baby, also a fair number of people who have had birth children naturally after adoption when they thought there was no chance. Some have found this to be OK, others have found the arrival of a birth child has caused huge issues for their adopted children due to the reasons most children are adopted.

You can always contact local authorities and request their information packs, they won't contact you at any stage, it is up to you then to contact them to take it any further but at least you would have some information.

If you have any questions you want to ask theres normally adopters popping on that can help.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
Mel x

[woof1e]

Being adopted myself I would want to know that my parents were over all their issues before they came for me. If there was any chance of them yearning for a child of their own I would feel like a cuckoo in their nest.
And having been through 10 cycles of ivf myself and getting pregnant for the first time on the 10th cycle I know that the urge to have your own child is enormous.
If you can afford ivf emotionally and financially I think that is the better option.
If you cannot face it again and have taken time to realise what this truly means then go ahead and adopt x
Thats just what I think anyway x

[Mel]

woof1e, congratulations on your pg. I totally agree with what you are saying about adopters getting over their issues before adopting but adoption is a very big unknown to many people, even having adopted nieces I still wasn't sure it was for me until I started hearing about the process and the children that needed adopting. I needed to get some information first in order to make a very definite break from ivf and on to adoption, I think most people do and thats normal, its a very big step and the children up for adoption in todays society come with a lot of issues to consider.

I would have loved to have my own children and maybe if ivf etc wasn't such a profit making business we would have been told DH's sperm wasn't good enough earlier, instead we spent close to £80k without all the travelling costs. Financially, emotionally and physically we couldn't go through more, some people can't go through that amount and have to face a difficult decision. A friend of mine adopted siblings and then there was a new tx which would help her to have a birth child, she could afford to and was still young enough so she went ahead and has now got a birth child as well. We don't know what life is going to hold, what research and hope the future holds, we just have to do what is right for us and our families at the time and hope it continues to be right.

Mel x