Why is this happening?

[Surd]

I have been going through ivf/icsi for the past 3 years and have had 3 fresh cycles, 4 frozen cycles and 2 cancelled frozen cycles due to lining issues. On our second fet I had a miscarriage at 7weeks. This time I really thought we had made it. We saw a heart beat at 6 and 9 weeks. Everything looked perfect and we were told we would have to be really unlucky for anything to happen now. At 12 weeks and 5 days I started bleeding. That night I was taken into hospital with contraction like pain. In the morning I was asked if I wanted it cremated/ hospital funeral or bring it home. I now have my baby in a jar on my window ledge. This whole process is so cruel. I just can't believe that I have to start again after being pregnant for 3 months. I can't remember what it feels like to be happy. I just don't think people realise how awful this experience is. If I wasn't going through ivf it would be bad but somehow I feel people just see it as I had another bfn. I feel so lonely and numb. Need some support.

[ZippyZoe34]

Hi hun
I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. This truly is a heartbreaking and difficult road we IVF ladies travel.

I lost my twins at 10 weeks after having 2 earlier scans with good heartbeats. We thought we had finally made it too so we were devastated to find the heart beats had stopped at our 10 week scan. I kept them inside me for a further 2 weeks whilst we waited for a D&C procedure appointment and it really was the most painful experience.

I have now had 5 miscarriages, but 4 of them were when we were ttc naturally so this was the first positive pregnancy test we had from IVF and the first time with twins. I agree with you that a miscarriage following IVF is much more difficult to cope with because you have already been through so much emotionally with months of preparing for the cycle, being in the cycle and the dreaded 2ww before we even get to the BFP and the wait for scans. To get so far and be built up on a high with encouraging scans only to be brought crashing down so painfully really does feel unbearable.

I totally understand how you are feeling my lovely but you will get stronger. Give yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself. When you feel ready, try to focus on something new, whether its a decorating project, a class or even a new book and eventually, time will have passed and you will be ready to move on to whatever next stage is right for you.

Sending you much love and hugs from someone who truly understands the deep and agonising feelings you are going through xxxxx

[Surd]

Thank you for your reply. So sorry to hear about all your losses too. It really doesn't get any easier. I think it's so hard when over the years you have seen other couples having their first second and third child, all while you are still trying. I feel like we are losing our friendship groups as well.
We have 2 more 5 day bastocysts in the freezer, but we are going to have a little break first. Did you do the immune tests? I am tempted to do this but my head is telling me not to. I emailed Robert Winston who doesn't believe in them. He said to have a HSG which we have done and it has come back ok. Think we now are going to request a hysteroscopy. It's so hard to know what to do as everything costs so much money yet hasn't been proven to work. Robert Winston also said not to have the genetic tests as they are not yet at a stage where they are sure they will not damage the blastocyst.
I think the worst thing about a miscarriage is that you want answers yet there isn't any. Best of luck on your journey too.

[Surd]

I am currently nursing my 4 week old baby girl (8th time lucky). It's been a horrible road but we finally got there

[Housemouse]

Congratulations that is so nice to hear. Can I ask if you did ever get any immune tests done or other investigations. I have so far had 1 chemical pregnancy and then a fet bfn, waiting to start a second fresh round in the new year xx

[Surd]

I had NK testing at the centre of reproductive medicine, research development and innovation,university hospitals Coventry and Warwicker. It cost £360 so was cheaper than most tests. They found I had slightly raised NK cells and recommended steroids for my next treatment cycle. I had two blastocysts put back and one stuck. I am not sure if it was luck or the steroids. However, it's a lot cheaper than the immune tests so maybe worth it. Best of luck with your treatment xxx

[Housemouse]

Thanks for replying, I am going there on Friday so hoping it might give me some answers. I'm so glad it worked for you. I was only allowed 2 blasts back last time because they were low quality but hoping I can convince them to use 2 again. I'm having my review appointment this sat so will ask them. Did you ever feel like it might never happen those are the thoughts that I torture myself with xx

[Surd]

Yes I would recommend putting 2 back if you haven't had previous luck. Ivf is brilliant if it works but mental torture if it doesn't and putting one back at a time prolongs It. I think one of the hardest things is not knowing. Failed cycles are so difficult it's really hard to go again. There are so many variables it really is just luck. It's such a lonely thing to go through. Hope Friday goes well. Feel free to repost xxx

[nahar.222@gmail.com]

Hello,

I am on my 5th FET with 1st turning into early loss in 5 weeks, 3 transfers after that were negative. After which we did some more blood tests and found out about having lupus anticoagulant. Protocol was changed at the 5th transfer with addition of aspirin and anticoagulant injection everyday from the day of transfer and usual progesterone tablets and pessaries. It was again positive this time on the day of test only to find out 6 days later (today) I have lost it again I am so heartbroken again!

I still have 3 more FEs in the freezer. I was advised for the endometrial scratch too but I didn't accept it due to cost vs benefit reasons. Is it worth going for the scratch?

I also have pcos but have a 30 days long regularish period cycle.

Has anyone been in the same situation as me and succeeded to have a successful pregnancy or is in similar situation? I am very low right now..

Thank you in advance