February 2024

[AmericanGirl]

Steph, when do you go to France? I will definitely ask my doctor about bloods! I’ve had a lot done but I’m not sure if there are more that can be done as well. Have you got a list of questions for the doctor next week? I’ve been working on mine for weeks! Maybe we could share our lists!

[cat13]

Yeah, apparently vitamin D is quite key, which is annoying because the NHS bang on and on about folic acid but don't mention vitamin D until you get to your midwife appointment, by which time it might be too late. I always put my 2nd miscarriage down to not taking Vitamin D beforehand - not sure if this was the case, but you always look for someone/something to blame to make it make sense.
Amazon sell a vitabitoics ultra high strength 2000 iu vitamin D tablet. Sure I read somewhere once that all adults in the UK should take a daily vitamin D supplement, especially in the winter months, due to lack of exposure to the sun, haha.
Hope you've both had/have a lovely time away.
Cherrie - is your appointment this week?
I'm currently waiting to book my next nurses appointment. I can't fault the Dr's and nurses at all, but I feel everything in between with Care is SO slow. Maybe it's just my clinic though.
x

[Cherrie87]

Sorry ladies, been a bit down in the dumps this week so far, I should have been 12 weeks on Monday and it hit me a lot harder than I expected.

My appointment is next Monday.
Martin has gone to meet our niece this evening, I couldn't bring myself to go... seeing him hold her will just break my heart. Hate feeling this way!!

I've never been told or tested for vitamin D!! How bad is that, imagine that's what all my miscarriages have been down to? I'm going to ask for that test to be done by my GP. Along with thyroid and diabetes I think. Xxx

[Cherrie87]

Sorry, didn't even ask if you were all okay!

Steph, I hope you have a good blow out in France and enjoy yourself, when do you go?

Xxxx

[Stephlm]

We fly in the morning, get back on Sunday.the forecast isn’t great but we’re just looking forward to a change of scenery!
Cherrie, so sorry to hear that. I met up with two of my friends today for a walk, with their little ones and it was so hard seeing them with their babies and pushing prams and me just with nothing.
I actually feel quite annoyed that Care don’t test for half of this stuff, like it could massively affect the outcome and also why wouldn’t they want to improve their own stats for success! Xxx

[cat13]

I'm sorry Cherrie, that's tough. I'm not looking forward to hitting, or not hitting, those milestones too. Babies are such a trigger as well. It's that awful "I'm happy for them but more sad for me". I cried at the last baby shower I went to and have decided I won't be going to any more.

Have you, or anybody, used the Care counselling at all? My friend also suggested Tommy's.

x

[Stephlm]

I’ve also pulled out of baby showers and decided I’m not going to anymore. It’s just too much.
I signed up to a webinar the other day and they’ve just sent me a link to the recording, it’s about improving chances of success with IVF. I’ve been watching it at the airport this morning as we are delayed but it’s really informative and definitely given me some things to think about! Here’s the link…
https://www.zitawest.com/blogs/watch-an ... 3pZ.RUWxP7
Xxxx

[Sarah12]

Hi ladies, hope you’re okay! Sorry for being MIA, we’ve just been to Mauritius for 8 days as we needed a break after the last couple of months. So glad we went as it was just perfect and exactly what we both needed

I’m surprised our levels aren’t checked before cycles to make sure they’re at where they should be. Cherrie, if you can, ask for a full blood count and that’ll cover everything so at least you have peace of mind. Just a FYI, even though your results may come back as normal, I would send them over to Care and get them checked as there are different reference ranges for fertility. My GP acknowledged there were results outside of the reference ranges but they weren’t overly concerned as they were slightly out. However, when trying to conceive the levels need to be quite specific which is why Care then prescribed my thyroid medication and asked me to take vitamin d and repeat the blood test after four weeks. I’ll need my levels to be correct before even considering going for a cycle so think we might wait longer than we initially planned.

Thanks Steph, will definitely watch that. I’ve also started re-reading It Starts With The Egg as I feel like it’s so different now I’ve been through a cycle xxx

[Cherrie87]

I'm going to speak to the care consultant about it on Monday, see if she thinks it might be worth checking. I just don't want to give up knowing that there might be something we're missing...

God, Sarah your holiday sounds amazing... we've decided to get the garden done ready for the summer so no holiday abroad for us, we'll just go to Cornwall in July as I love it there

I've finally stopped bleeding, felt like it lasted forever!! First day without a pad and it was glorious

[cat13]

Wow Sarah, Mauritius sounds wonderful!! I have that book too and might give it a re-read, although I feel I'd already taken on board or was already doing a lot of it.

Thanks for sharing Steph, I'll give it a listen. Hope you have a great time away!

Haha, what a nice feeling Cherrie x

[Stephlm]

Aww, Cherrie, I completely agree! I’d need to know I’d done everything/ exhausted every avenue or I feel I’d have the ‘what if’, hanging over me! Ask your GP for the blood tests and then at least you know! Care reviewed mine within a few hours today and it’s just piece of mind… albeit I now know I have a high cholesterol and the chocolate and comfort food has gone out the window (well after Sunday)!!
We made it to France, despite the air traffic control strikes. Had such a relaxing day and managed to catch a lovely sunset at the spot Mark proposed last September. Today has been just what we needed!! Xxx

[AmericanGirl]

I just need somewhere to vent. My MIL found out today that her brain tumor is growing, which it hasn’t been for 2 years now. My husband just told me last week how scared he is that she won’t be here when we finally have a baby. On top of the miscarriage, which still obviously upsets me several time a day, I just can’t really cope. My husband needs me to be there for him and I have to pretend to be strong for the rest of his family, but it’s just too much. I find myself just shutting down, and it’s not right. Sorry for the emotional dump but I don’t know where else to do it.

[MSS]

Hi ladies i hope you are coping and finding a way to get through. I just thought i mention my experience i have under active thyroid only found out that when starting my fertility with NHS. My TSH was all over the place as they gave me higher dosage and my body did not like. i end up with heart palpitation doctor sent me for bloods told me to change my dodage . Which took few month for the levels to come down.. If you have thyroid issues before you start your treatment get bloods done from your doctors like 2 weeks before. Get results quite quickly pass them to care. Care were going to charge me something stupid. My docs did mine each time i asked. VIt D i was told by my consultant to take 1000iu which i do. I prefer the Holland and Barrates as i used them in the past seen a difference. I have started on vit C 500g chewable tablets from aldi too.


Yes i have used the counselling through care once and it does help. You get two session free i recall.

[cat13]

Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear that. You're going through such a lot at the moment and I bet it feels like everything is against you.
Please vent away with us, we're all here for you....Do you have some friends close to you who you can talk to as well? Or would you perhaps want to talk to someone who doesn't know you/your husband? I don't know how available the appointments are but there is the Care counselling. My work have an anonymous service they can put people in touch with, does your work perhaps have similar? If you want to talk that is, not everyone does.
Have you told your husband how you're feeling? It can't be easy for you.
I hope you're OK, sending a virtual hug. x

[Stephlm]

Aww, Rachel, vent away! We’re all here for each other and tackling life on top of fertility and miscarriage is hard enough without extra things on top.
Do your family know what you have been going through? Until the MC, we kept our fertility and pregnancy battles to ourselves, only my parents knew and Marks family were completely unaware but with the MC, we didn’t feel we could hide it and continue covering it any longer. It’s helped having the extra support.
If you want to jump on a call and have a chat, I’m more than happy to. Similarly, if you want to msg on WhatsApp or something, I’m happy to do so. Can always set up a little WhatsApp group and send a link.
Stay strong but remember your feelings are all valid and you can’t change the way you feel- it’s not good to bottle things up and I’m sure your husband is also trying to stay strong for you too… maybe have a little chat and just both let everything out and have a little cry together.
Sending hugs xxxx

[Cherrie87]

Ah Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear that. But I understand how hard it is when your grieving a loss to take in anything else around you.

It's a pretty rough subject I suppose to speak openly with your husband without sounding selfish.
But I personally would try and speak to him about it.

Counselling are Care is good, you do get 2 sessions free during/after treatment and is worth it. They don't just talk about fertility.
But as Steph said reach out to friends too.

What is your relationship like with your MIL? I know it's a touchy subject but maybe you could speak to her anout your husbands feelings?

Xxxx

[AmericanGirl]

Hi Ladies, thank you for being there. Matt and I did actually have that chat last night and had a cry. I can’t tell most people in my life because they don’t want to share about the tumor to anyone outside the family, but I don’t want to burden anyone in the family with my feelings when obviously it’s so much worse for her sons and husband. The MIL and I don’t really talk about feelings anymore, we tried that around the wedding and it did not go well! We enjoy each others company but I don’t go deep with her. I do have other friends I talk to about the miscarriage though, and I’m also in counseling outside of care.

To add insult to injury, I just took the pregnancy as the EPU told me to 2 weeks after my last scan with them and it’s still positive Why don’t those things ever say what I want them too?? I’ve called the EPU and I’m going in for bloods on Tuesday to see what’s going on. Just another thing I don’t want to have to deal with. It just seems to take forever to end. Has anyone else been told to take a test?

[Cherrie87]

Oh christ, it's never ending! I honestly completely forgot to take a test... yes, I was told to take one 2 weeks after.

I'm so glad you had a chat with your husband and managed to get it all out!

I'm thinking about getting someone to talk to but I'm really not sure how to go about it, waiting times for talking therapies on the NHS are unbelievably long.

Xxx

[AmericanGirl]

My counselor is not through the NHS, but my SIL has a counselor through the NHS, she was told she would have to wait 18 months but then she was seen in like 2 and a half months so it’s worth going for.

Are you going to take a test? In your past miscarriages, when it happened naturally, have you had to go back to have the medication as well? When they did the scan 2 weeks ago, they said it was almost all gone and then I still bled for another week and a half so I was sure it must be all gone.

[Cherrie87]

No I've never had to go back and have medication.

To be honest I've never tested at the end of a miscarriage. Even though I've always been told to.
Doing pregnancy tests give me so much anxiety.
That stems from all the months TTC before IVF every month was a failure and I'd spend so much money on tests.

I might do the NHS one, I think I have so mich built up trauma from all the losses, I think I do actually need to reach out to someone, should have done it a long time ago!

Hopefully it's just a really small amount of the hormone left that the test is picking up on and you won't need to do anything else. Xxxx

[Stephlm]

I’ve done a few pregnancy tests since, I haven’t tested since Wednesday but they’ve all been positive. I have also done some ovulation tests as I wanted to start tracking my cycle and I’m convinced I ovulated on Wednesday (even though my test is positive).
The nhs told me to do their test in 3 weeks, so 7th May and at that point it should be faint/ negative.

I have my appointment at Care on 2nd and they are also going to scan me beforehand to check the situ- more out of reassurance for me. Maybe ask if they’ll scan you??

My anxiety is through the roof at the moment. I had quite a bit of counselling a number of years ago when I went through my divorce to my ex husband and it definitely helped so I’m going to arrange some this week through my work- they’ve offered me private funded counselling.

Yesterday was the first day I hadn’t cried in 22 days and although when I realised this morning, it felt like a positive step, I immediately felt a huge wave of guilt and then welled up. I don’t really know how to process it all.
Xxx

[AmericanGirl]

Steph, what did the ovulation test say? I also feel like I’ve been ovulating this week, although I don’t test. I think I’ll see what the blood test says on Tuesday but then maybe I will ask care to scan me too, thanks for that idea.

Cherrie, I find home pregnancy tests anxiety inducing too! I was just explaining that to my husband this morning and he had no idea. There’s so much of it we go through without them and that I try to shield him from.

I find counseling helpful but I also get so down so quickly sometimes and it seems like Thursday which is when my appointments are is so far away.

[Stephlm]

So I use the Premom App and test strips (just off Amazon) and I when I put my MC bleeding date in as period it predicted I should ovulate on Wednesday/ Thursday. I did a test on Monday and it was high, Tuesday was even higher but I read that if ur pregnancy test is positive your unlikely to restart your cycle and the LH in tests can pick up HCG so I kinda discounted it. Anyway on Wednesday I noticed some discharge and did another test on Wednesday night and it had dropped off a cliff, which is akin to ovulation test stats so I’m convinced it was Wednesday despite my pregnancy test. Who knows!!
I’ll ask my consultant on Thursday! Xxx

[Sarah12]

Aww Rachel, sending lots of virtual hugs, so sorry you’re having to battle with that on top of the miscarriage too but I’m really pleased you spoke it through with your husband, I hope you’re feeling better about it now. Always here if you need to vent! Me and Steph vent daily hahaha, as Steph said happy to set up a WhatsApp group for us all?

Cherrie, just a FYI as we’re both under Northamptonshire, when I spoke to my doctors to get signed off they recommended I speak to talking therapies and I had an appointment with a couple of weeks. I find the sessions really helpful, fingers crossed you can get something booked in soon.

Interesting to hear about your ovulation dates, my cycle seemed normal last month but I’m confused with what’s happened this month, thought I ovulated last Friday as I had ovulation pains. Did a day 21 progesterone test yesterday and the results came back lower than expected which made me wonder if I ovulated earlier than I thought? Did an ovulation test today out of curiously and it had a faint line so I am really confused haha xxx

[AmericanGirl]

I’ve never used ovulation tests before because I didn’t even have a period before IVF so I’ve never tried naturally before. I got my period back after the first transfer now so I’m going to look into it more. Thanks for the info on it!

I think a WhatsApp group is a great idea! What info do you need to set it up?